Raymond goes to jail.
I had been plotting the murder of a fellow who had bothered me lately. HIS DOG KEEPS TAKING FAT SHITS ON MY LAWN. Now usually this wouldn't be a problem if it was picked up. BUT NO. This had happened for months, and I can't step outside without landing my news shoes IN DOG DOOKIE.
They must die.
I didn't really care when, but it needed to happen soon. I felt I may have been going crazier than I already was. Then I saw, I pressed my face against my window peering out to the sidewalk. The shitter himself. I stormed outside and grabbed the man by the neck "STOP HAVING YOUR FATASS DOG SHIT ON MY LAWN YOU MOTHERFUCKER" I violently shook him back and forth and the dog ran away, released from its leash. I had gotten distracted and loosened my grip, allowing for the man to also run away, screaming for help. I turned around and noticed he was halfway down the street "HEY COME BACK!" I shouted, following him down the road.
When I turned the corner I noticed he was talking to the police, pointing to me. They saw me he started running in my direction. I was going to turn around and get away, but there were already cop cars positioned behind me.
"We have you surrounded, put your hands in the air" one of them said. I raised my hands and sighed as they cuffed me and placed me in a cop car. "So, Raymond Finner eh? I know all about you, you're the freak everyones been failing to catch." The cop in the front announced. "Ah, yeah pretty amazing right? You claim to know all about me but do you know what you don't?" I asked "What's that?" He questioned "YOU'RE NEXT" I laughed, showing a toothy grin. I could see a glimpse of fear in his eyes for a second. "Shut it fucker. There'll be no next for you behind bars." He said angrily "Yeah, sure." I giggled grinning.
Once we arrived at the jail, he threw me in a cell. "Gah! You could be a bit more gentle with me 🥺" I said. He left with no reply and I waved as he walked out of view. I looked around at my *lovely* cellmates. I grinned and sat on the cell bed waiting for something to happen.
Then it was announced that it was lunchtime. I walked to the cafeteria and sat down. "Hey handsome." Some guy said seating himself next to me, clearly trying to flirt. "What you in for?" He asked. "Nothing too special, a few hundred murders." I grinned "Oh." He replied now seeming hesitant. "too bad you'll be one of them" I frowned. "Huh-wh-" I cut him off slamming his head through the table, into the ground. Everyone around stared in shock. "What's up?" I said standing, dusting my clothes off. The man lay lifeless on the floor and I stared at him in pity. "Ah, so sad..Who's next?" Everyone in the cafeteria began running to their cells in fear.
I started pushing people into walls watching in content as there heads combusted. I laughed all the while, even when officers were relentlessly trying to shoot me down. "You're going to have to do better than that!" I shouted twisting peoples heads around. Once about only maybe a couple people were left, and everyone else was dead and gone, I finished off the last few stopping to let one guy go.
He was quite charming to me, so I decided to let him free. "Ah, please don't hurt me" He said pleading in fear. "Hey, don't worry I'm letting you go!" I said grinning. He looked at me in gratitude. "Thank you, thank you so much" He said standing back up. I took his hand and led him to the entrance of the jail. "I thought you were handsome to be honest." I said "There's a certain charm about you that I like." I grinned. He looked a bit flustered "Oh.." I patted him on the head, "Well you can go now...?" I questioned asking for his name. "Uh, Buck." He replied. "Oh, we'll my names Raymond, say hi if you see me around. Bucky." I grinned wide running away happily. "Uh seeya around?" Buck yelled. "Yes I hope so." I replied waving.